And Now I Guess I’ll Go To The Himalayas

I have endeavoured to distribute my surplus boredom among you in another exciting blog post from me. Prepare to be bored to the brink of excitement! So yeah, I’m going to the Himalayas. I am doing a blog post about it because I value your audience you are all pawns in my quest for world domination muahahaha mum said so. -_-

So I guess I’ll write about how scared I am and stuff. I have, out of knowing perfectly well how much it means to mum, agreed to do this. It’s a cool thing to do, no doubt. And the bragging rights? Amazing. But really, I am f███ing scared. I mean, who ENJOYS (non-mes excluded) climbing up a s███load of f███ing mountains to get to a few f███ing huts?

It will hurts us. The cold, it will burnses us. And after, we will bragses about it. Thus we embark upon our journey to destroy the Ring. Srsly though, you will nawt hear the end of it. I would like to say that I will write a post about it, then disappear utterly for the next few weeks as my legs re-adjust to a climate of joyful procrastination. I hope.

And For Our 999th Day of Travel, I Get Lost in Bali

Hullo readers. I am in Bali writing about how I got lost. If you would like a post on my recent surgery, see mum’s blog as it is an EMBARASSING CHILDHOOD CONDITION and I would prefer not to write about it. But I will write about this one time today when I got lost.
It started with dinner. We went to Pizza Bagus to have… guess guess guess… PIZZA! And a good pizza it was too. Pizza Bagus is quite a walk away from our hotel, and when mum went for a pee I sat outside the deli window. This prove to be a bad idea.
Mum, upon leaving the loo, looked around for a second and then informed the waitresses that she was going and that they should tell me she had left for the hotel. I, upon hearing the news, set off towards our hotel. I had no idea where to go. I was miffed.
My irritation soon gave way. It’s not fun being lost and I just wanted to be back. So I kept walking. And walking. Then I met some nice ladies who were conveniently rather curious as to why I was walking around without a parent to follow me.
I asked them where monkey forest road was. They pointed. I asked again, with extra emphasis on the “road”. Same. Huh, I thought.There was some animated conversation. They asked me where I was staying. I told them. More animated conversation.
Then they put me on a motorbike and took me to my hotel’s restaurant. There I had to wander back to the hotel, frequently asking directions. You see, small hotel chains are all over Ubud. Things like Artini 1, 2, 3, restaurant and mini-mart are rather common.
So when I got dropped off at the restaurant, I then had to find the (rather well-concealed) Gayatri 2 bungalows. Then I got back here and had to write this post. <.< THE. END.

Windsurfing, Waterfalls, Lidl

So, I did some windsurfing. I’m now a self-proclaimed self-proclaimed competent windsurfer. It’s cool, cause you don’t have to rely on waves being huge and you can fall off the board and not get washing-machined. Or dashed on the rocks. Because, as the name suggests, you windsurf with a sail.
Yess, with a sail. So I have to get it in at the right time, with the right size sail, etc. Too big a sail and it’s too heavy, too small and you won’t move. As I weigh only 30 kg, my sail is a measly 2.5 meters. Largest one I know of? 6.5, I think.
It’s quite hard work, holding the sail up, turning it against the wind, holding it straight, etc. Even for a sail only 2.5 meters long. But it’s fun. Exhausting fun. But I wasn’t exhausted enough to be incapable of waterfall climbing. No, it was not a big waterfall.
No, it was not a fast waterfall, not slippery and not particularly steep. But it was fun. And in the end, that’s what life is for. And once we, as a species, have it all worked out -matter generation, infinite energy, reality altering, time travel, FTL, etc.- it’ll all be about happiness.
Last off, we saw a turtle in the road. Tortle. Whatevs. No, I will not describe a Greek Lidl. 拜拜！

A Skinny Kid Goes Down The Coldest River In Greece

Bloody hell, that was a right mouthful. Yes, I am in Greece. Cradle of Western civilisation, Cradle of Democracy pretty much worldwide, and cradle of EU-wide economic crisis. First off: Lesvos. Oh yes, Lesvos.
Lesvos, also known as Lesbos, is the island that gave rise to the term lesbian. No, they were not all gay. It’s just that there was an allegedly female (though in actual fact quite possibly male) poet who went around writing love poems to other women.
Actually quite a nice place. Although one has to wonder why the mannequins in the United Colours of Benetton’s display window were all completely naked. Oh, and the male dolls had rather painstakingly etched penises. With testes attached.
Next? Athens. The Cradle of Democracy. No, we did not see any riots. We went straight through to the bus station. And now we come to the place we’re staying now. My grandparents’ holiday home! It’s in a nice mountain village called Tseria.
Now, on the subject of Greece’s coldest river. It’s a mountain stream! See, in the winter snow collects on the peaks of mountains. Then in spring the snow melts. Yes, I know it’s early autumn but there’s still a bit of water.
Anyway, you can watch my pathetic attempts at body boarding it here:

BAIBAI!

Balloons? Yes.

Yep. I’ve been in a balloon. It’s awesome. We are in Cappadocia, BTW. Fine, Turkey. Cappadocia has some nice rock formations, nicknamed Fairy Chimneys by most people. Me? I say they look more like Phairy Phalluses. No, not palaces, phalluses. Who knows, maybe mum and I just have perverted, immature minds. But the resemblance is striking.
Now, back to ballooning. It was an early wake-up for the sunrise (all balloon places do it), but what comes next (no, not the bus ride you twit) was brilliant. We saw the balloons inflating. The thing they use to heat up the air seems more like a flamethrower than a gas burner.
Next up: The takeoff. It’s a slow, crawling takeoff. The pilot burns loads of gas to get us into the air. But we make it. Next, we fly over the place coyly called Love Valley. Not very romantic, but certainly the highest concentration of Phairy Phalluses. But there’s more.
The pilot is very skilled. We fly down into another valley. We fly between rocks and at one point brush over the top of a tree. At this point I’m no longer worried by the creaking noises coming from the steel cables holding it all together. Nor does the drop perturb me in the least.
The rest of the flight goes pretty smoothly. At the end we slow down to stop because of lack of wind and have to climb a bit to catch the air current. But it’s fine. Finally, we land in the back of a truck. Yes, I said truck. It’s a flatbed. The flight isn’t over yet, though.
Next, the pilot opens vents to let the air out. I am perhaps the only one happy to end up swathed in the now-deflated bag. Now, finally, we get out. This is after the bag is taken off us, obviously. Now, finally, the flight is truly over. Last of all: Celebratory champagne (for me too). Turkish champagne. And yes, it’s tinged with vodka.

Ehrmagerd, No More Ruins

Good day. Or night, depending on where you are. I am in the Turkish town of Seljuk (spelled S-E-L-C-with-a-squiggly-thing-underneath-it-U-K) after coming from Kurshadasi (sh is a substitute for s-with-the-squiggle since squiggles act as an h for s or c) where we met our friends from Singapore (name withheld) and did stuff with them.
I should mention that none of the stuff we did involves nasty, boring ruins. We went to Adaland Aquapark. Oh yes we did. And a few beaches. And the Cave of Zeus. That was FREEZING. I came out shivering. See, the Cave of Zeus has a pool sheltered from sunlight by the cave at all times. I cannonballed in THREE times. Oh and we lounged by the pool at our hotel (we splurged on our budget ’cause we’d booked).
So pretty cool. Now we’re in Seljuk mum made us go to Ephesus, another set of ruins which, frankly, I did not like. I was not impressed. ENOUGH RUINS ALREADY! But anyway, tomorrow we’re going to another water park and I can forget all about ruins. =D
So bye.

Dead Sea, Dead Stingy

Hi readers. Today I have ticked off my list yet another world attraction that everybody (except me) wants to see. Reading the title, I rather hope everyone knows this is about the Dead Sea. ‘Cause it is. I didn’t actually want to go, thinking that it was less salty (and therefore less buoyant) than the salt lake in Siwa. It wasn’t.

I have to warn you, the water in the Dead Sea is very rich in minerals, some of which sting. A lot. It also feels very oily. You see, the Dead Sea is not seawater. It’s a mix of water, salt, magnesium, sulphur and other crap. Because of this stinging mix, many beaches have showers. Ours (free, not like the crappy Ein Gedi Spa) had springs.

To be honest with you, I spent about ten minutes (maximum) in the Dead Sea –and even then I was mainly lobbing the mud at mum. Oh yes, the mud. The blackish stuff is used as a beauty product in the spas, thanks to the aforementioned minerals. I am in Palestine, BTW. Somehow we got across the border with Lebanese stamps in our passports.

The Israeli border, that is. Israel has controlled Palestine since 1948, when the two countries went to war. The Palestinians refer to the invasion as “The Catastrophe” and think of it as their own Holocaust. Frankly, I think that’s pathetic and self-centered. After all, they started it, they fully intended to massacre everyone, and it’s not as if any pogroms were carried out.

Make up your own mind. One last thing: if you should see a road sign pointing to the “Lowest Place on Earth, don’t go. It’s a sham set up by the aforementioned crappy spa. They’ll charge you 10 Shekels to go to what they tell you is just a sign. It’s not even a sign. It’s a boring, dirty beach full of people. Again, though, make up your own mind.

Bai!

The Last Straw

Hi readers. Today’s post, rather pathetically, shall be a rant about my newfound computer ban. Now it all started the day before last. It was a normal-ish evening, but for the fact that we had people coming over in a while. Sun setting? Tick. Snacks, booze and tonic water? Tick.

All good. Where do we have our party aperitifs? The arisha (Bedouin tent). Mum goes off. I survey the arisha. Untouched for ages. In other words, it’s fallen apart. O-kayyy, I think to myself, let’s do the veranda. What does that need done to it?

Well, there are 2 bench-like seats on the veranda, so those can hold four people and as for the kids… well, I expect we’ll be playing anyway.  Then I retire into my bedroom to play (over Skype) with one of me mates. A good while later, mum bursts into my room and starts screaming at me.

It’s along the lines of “WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?” and “I HAVE BEEN STANDING OUT THERE FOR FUCKING AGES!” Notice the common occurrence of the word “fuck”. That ought to tell you all you need to know about her mood.

Turns out that she’d been there for about 40 minutes and I hadn’t noticed. I know how it sounds, but we have a gate and high walls and you couldn’t hear anything from my room (very far back). It’s happened to me and mum barely heard.

The party went well, BTW. The events after? Not so much. I had my computer on. I sent a message to another of me mates, whom I hadn’t managed to contact for days due to his being on Do Not Disturb. He answered me and I told him to get off DND.

Then we started talking. Unfortunately at that moment mum came in and terminated our conversation by putting me on a computer ban (1 hour a day sounds like a lot but think of it as time I spend playing with friends. I would have more time in school).

As always, she started lecturing me. As always, I tried to sit through them. As always, they hurt my feelings and I ended up in bed with the lights off, being angry with myself and crying and being angry with myself for crying (not much hyperbole going  on, unfortunately).

And as always, I was fine (with myself, the ban I still loathe) the next morning.

Of Nations Broken

Looka my essay!

Where, now, is the great and mighty Pharonic kingdom of Egypt? An unstable republic with a junta fond of silent coups? That it is. Today’s China is, although still immensely powerful, very different from the ancient empire that held fast for thousands of years.

Indeed, the very countries that first took down that great empire now once again look pathetic and insignificant in the face of an entirely new China, enjoying, though in its infancy, the dawn of a golden age or – to use the Asimov term—cultural spurt.

Indeed, it is possible that such a brief revolution may happen to a Western nation. Even America, the world’s economic Titan, is beginning to show its cracks. The harsh “democracy” they (and many other Western countries, chiefly the UK) impose breeds resentment among many.

It seems at present that China deal with their problems in a rather mercantile way; they have so far preferred to buy huge stretches of land rather than send in an army to find the so-called “WMDs”. We shall see.

I do not for a moment expect that China will last for ever; again we shall have to see what happens. One nice trait of China is secularism. The USA is a very much religious-governed country and as it is a (generally) Christian government, military actions can sometimes be dangerously near holy sites.

Of course, when the USA was first created, it was meant to be a society where religion did not interfere with politics. The founding fathers were mostly deists (belief in a non-intervening god) and some possibly even atheists.

At any rate, someone will take over. Let us only hope that they take good care of us all.

Meanwhile In Paris

Hello. I was in Paris. Paris. Paris. Mean anything to you? No? Okay. The city of Paris is the capital of Fran- oh, you know that already? Right. So first I saw the Arc Du Triomphe. Big, ever-so-slightly pretentious Napoleonic monument. Then the Eiffel Tower. I climbed up as far as the stairs go, then (dad) paid 1€ for me to have a few minutes looking through a telescope.
Dinner? Pizza at a place recommended by a friend of dad’s whom we stayed and ate with. The only reason I’m mentioning this is because a homeless person came to our table. He pointed at the pizza and mumbled something in French. Then he took a slice. While he was eating, dad took a peek. Clean clothes, clean shaven. Not homeless, just über drunk. We left soon after he fell asleep.
Highlight? Futuroscope. It’s a science-y theme park. My favourite bit was the animals of the future, a fun ride utilising Virtual Reality. It’s great. They project 3D images onto your goggles and you have a thing on your hand so you can interact with the virtual world. You’re strapped into a train. At the end they turn your partner into a green slimy monster. Many screams at this point.
Oh, and we had a little bit of Louvre. I’ve had too many museums. The Mona Lisa was smaller than I expected. I preferred the Futuroscope. You must go there, if you like that sort of thing.

~fin